Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Rosa Mexicano

It turns out that it's not socially acceptable to drink tequila before 8am.

The way I see it, 1am (a perfectly acceptable time to drink) is before 8am, so, why not at 7am?  Regardless, my topic today is about alcohol.  Again.

Today, I'm gonna show you how to make a Rosa Mexicano, LA Naca's bebida casera of choice, a drink too fancy for la Cajuela Cantina.  It's my version of a mimosa, if you will, although it contains no champagne or orange juice.

What you need:
  • glass of ice
  • good tequila
  • Trader Joe's Organic Strawberry Lemonade (Perrrrrrdon! Que fancy.)
  • double shot glass (optional. you could also eyeball it.)
  • desire for immediate inebriation


Once you have all these key ingredients, it's real easy.  Just follow this simple math.



+



=




+




=



Y a brindar el día.  Repeat as often as possible. 

Rosa Mexicano, the breakfast of champions, with or without huevos motuleños.

Hasta mañana.

Friday, January 15, 2010

Fashion Fridays, VII

Fashion Fridays are pretty much my favorite days to post.  Reason being, I'm not only naca, but I'm LA Naca, therefore I am in possession of a lifelong collection of nacadas filling up every esquare inch of my closet and bookshelf that I use as a dresser.

What makes me most proud is that I didn't even need to look in my own home for inspiration.  In fact, today's entry was submitted by none other than LA Abogada!

Here she is, direct from San Pepe!


I love this zip-up.  I really do. I even love the safety pin that's "fixing" the hole in the front pocket. Come to think of it, I bought one similar to it a few years later with this one in mind.  LA Abogada, you're an inspiration!

Now, let me tell you the story as to why this sudadera is being showcased today.  Back in 2004, LA Abogada and LA Doctora were living in Nueba Yol, como dicen esos de allá. They came home to NacoLAndia for Christmastime and as is often the case during la temporada navideña, nos fuimos de compras.  We went to Macy's, and thanks to our mad knowledge of coupons and secret password discounts, LA Abogada got this at a steal in the clearance section.

I'll never forget how proud I was of her for telling me that she wanted to go back to NYC representing México, lindo y querido.  I'll also never forget how quickly that pride turned to panic when she told me her reason.

Legend has it that one cold morning, as LA Abogada was preparing for her day, she heard noises coming from outside her apartment.  Out the window, she saw two escavengers rummaging through her trash, como ratas.  As they turned their gaze upward, she exclaimed, "Oh. Hells. No." when she saw the beanies on their pinches cabezas.  One's read MEXICO across the front, and the other had la bandera Mexicana.  ¡Qué par de sin verguenzas!

The more time she spent there, the more she realized that there are a lot of Latinos in NY, but not Mexicanos, except for estos mentados sucios sin madre.  To those gentlemen, I say...I know times are tough, but if you're gonna be doing esas cochinadas, don't do it while displaying ethnic pride apparel or tattoos.

However, I'd love it if non-trash-picking model ciudadanos/jurados/testigos and the like, such as my little abogadita, were to wear more Mexican suits in the courtroom, though so far, she refuses to accept this as appropriate courtroom couture.  I'm just saying, even though the judge is wearing an ugly black dress, there's no need for everyone else to look bad.  I think that lawyers could make the courtroom a whole lot more interesting, especially for the defendant and his family, if they wore more attention-grabbing suits, like this...


(Photo courtesy of Trajes Tipicos punto com.)

If that's not formal enough, well, it doesn't get any more formal than a 3-piece suit like this deluxe Greca suit...

 
¡AYYYYYYYYYYYYY GUEY! ¡Qué chulo!

Obviously, there are ladies's suits available as well...


(Photos courtesy of El Charro 1 punto com.)

Now that I've properly addressed the fashion crisis in the courtroom, it's time for nacos all over este país sin nombre to represent and start applying to law eschools, just like LA Abogada did.  Andale, nacos!  Step it up!  Acabo, te pagan por ser jurista, no por ser defendiente.  As it is, very few of us will get in, as was made evident by this article that LA Abogada sent me about a week and a half ago about the fact that fewer and fewer well-qualified paisas are getting in to law eschools.  

As for all you law eschool deans of admission, do you really think it's a wise move to block minorities from going to your eschools?  According to the article, it's not a matter of LSAT escores or grades that won't let our people in, it's about not being white.  Do not make me send Edward James Olmos to your house, because I will.  And just WAIT until I forward this article to my homegirl Oprah. Van a ver. And if they can't get the job done, I'll be glad to send my battalion of pretendientes pelones, con machetes en mano, a tus casas, cabrones.  

My money says that if I do send them, a high percentage of you WASP-y deans will by chanting "sí se puede" faster than you can say country club.  Let us into your schools!  If you don't, then you should start worrying about losing more than your precious ranking, pendejos.

I want nothing more than for mi gente to succeed.  I hope that one day soon, with a lot of work and determination, thousands more paisas will be able to proudly say that their phone number is 1-(insert your area code here)-222-2222.

Hasta mañana.

Sunday, January 10, 2010

NacoLAndia PSA

This is a Public Service Announcement brought to you by LA Naca.

First and foremost, persígnate. I missed misa in order to do this blog.  That being said, I'm sure Chuchito will understand how important it is that I share this information with you.

The other day, I got yelled at for blowing out a candle.  I was paralyzed with fear because I couldn't understand what I'd done wrong!  According to my homegirl, LA Santera, my error was in snuffing out the flame with my breath instead of my fingers or the melted wax or by smothering the flame.  Dios mio! ¿Yo qué sé de estas cosas?

According to Lucky Mojo, a spells defining/candle selling website, of which I know nothing about, "You should never blow a candle out if you want to return to it, because that ends the spell, but if you pinch it out, you can come back to it any time."  I didn't realize I was casting a spell.  I just thought I was trying to make my casita smell like estróveris.

I'm not saying I don't believe in the power of prayers and candle lighting, as is evident by the cartons of Virgencita velas I got under my sink.  What I don't believe in is SOLELY putting all your faith in them for everything.  I always associated candles with faith and spirituality and home décor.  More and more, I hear about paisas lighting Santo Nino de Atocha candles for all their physical ailments, like la sciatica o el artritis. The newest one I heard of (by the same homie who yelled at my candle-blowing) was of a vieja de rodillas who be begging el Santo Nino help her son kick his meth habit. 

I don't have a meth habit, therefore I have faith in a different power: the power to self-medicate. It has been my experience that any ailment you may have from a cold to a gunshot wound can be fixed by anything found at la farmacia (and sometimes la licorería).

Why even bother to have health insurance when your medicine cabinet is this stocked?



From left to right, we got Buscapina, best friend to all nacas of child-bearing age cuando andan en sus dias.  Then, we got Naxen, which is naproxen sodium, the chafa version of Aleve or Advil, but in peso prices.  Después, tenemos Vitacilina, the naco Neosporin, pero mejor. Total Detox pills, pa cuando no te sientes bien de las tripas y el café no te ayuda ir. Pomada de Arnica, the best cure for any bruising and body aches guaranteed to heal you faster than body casts or physical therapy. And lastly, un chingo de bibaporrú slathered on your chest, back and under your nose will cure you of your cold and flu in seconds flat.

Please note: bibaporrú is for external use only.  I'm so tired of hearing other nacos tell me how their moms used to make them eat it by the spoonfuls when they were sick.  GUACATELAS!

Now, I'm off to buy Terramicina to help me fend off this sore throat.  If it doesn't work, a shot of Cazadores always does.

This has been a Public Service Announcement brought to you by LA Naca.  No digas que nunca te dije.

Hasta mañana.

Friday, January 8, 2010

Fashion Fridays, VI

Pos mira no más!

It's another chido edition of Fashion Fridays here in NacoLAndia!

Today's inspiration is a shirt not found in any store...yet.

Not so long ago, as I noticed a bread truck unloading merchandise at my local 7-Eleven, i turned to LA Abogada and told her I wanted a shirt with that logo on it. Time went by and I completely forgot about this declaration. Fast forward to the following Christmas morning, I opened my present from her to find la playera más chingona that I'd ever wanted, then forgot about, but I'm so happy that she remembered! ¿Me entiendes, Méndez?

Without further ado, I bring to you the best ever made-with-love-especially-for LA Naca shirt!




Thanks again, LA Abogadita!

Hasta mañana.

Thursday, January 7, 2010

¡Este es un lugar de ambiente, donde todo es diferente!

Japi Nu Yir!

It's a new year, a new blog, a new day and I'm feeling good.

LA Naca anda muy feliz por un chingo de razones.  First of all, I survived another Guadalupe-Reyes Marathon without any traces of LA Cruda, I didn't get a baby in my rebanada de rosca AND today is the best day ever!

Today, el 7 de enero del año MMX, is JuanGa's 60th Birthday!

Words cannot express how excited I am about today's festivities.  First of all, half LA Chusma is coming over from all over NacoLAndia to celebrate el Querido's cumple.

For those of you that can't make it, let me give you a glimpse as to what you'll be missing, also known as why I love him so much.

First of all, Juan Gabriel is one straight and sexy man, as is evident here.



Second, the man born Alberto Aguilera Valadez has some sweet, stylin' moves.  Look at how gracefully he does the Roger Rabbit...



...right before he falls.

Broken wrist and concussion aside, he's exudes amazingness.  Check out this Saturday Night Fever-inspired (minus the paint bucket) clip from the 1980 classic, El Noa Noa, featuring el Divo de Juárez who is actually from Parácuaro, Michoacán.



Off to make el pastel preferido de los nacos: tres leches.

Hasta mañana.