Thursday, November 11, 2010

¡Viva México, Cabrones! ¡Nálgame, Dios! ¡Ya tengo chamba! ¡Exclamación!

Pancho Villa couldn't get it up and Emiliano Zapata was a gay.

Or at least that's what this LA Times article about the Mexican bicentennial says, and LA Naca totally believes it. It's true our history is very colorful and cruel and right now--and to some degree, always--there's a huge problem in the Greatest Country in the World. The drug wars are HORRIBLE, just like the slaughtering of women in Juarez, just like the extremely corrupt government, just like the gang takeovers in little pueblitos, just like George Lopez's face.

Oh, wait, that's right. I'm, like, 2 months late on the bicentennial. My bad. Let's try this again...

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LA Naca no longer has to sell her body to the night.

Not that I did, but it did cross my mind when I ran out of tortillas.  However, now there's no need to fear.

$300 in Santo Niño de Atocha candles later and this bish finally got herself a chamba!

So, first and foremost, to my old 9 to 5 that canned me, I dedicate this to you....



Now, as for my new employment, I'm not exactly sure what it is I do or what I'm responsible for, or even why they hired me. But I'll tell you this much: I'm pretty sure I got this gig because of this shoddily maintained blog. Or maybe it's because LA Doctora put in a good word for me. ¿Quién sabe? The way I see it, the esmart thing to do would be to not let anyone down, right? So I need to do a ridiculously better job of maintaining Mi Vida Naca or else imma get cut by my prima AND fired by my jefa. ¿Y quién quiere eso? Nadien.

I'm not gonna lie, I like having this job. I also really like getting a paycheck. It's not as good as getting cash money under the table, but I now have health insurance. Now, I can go to a REAL doctor for my tetraciclina instead of driving up Alvarado. Of course, I'll miss the days of self-medicating like I do in The Greatest Country In The World, a land that allows me to skip all the middlemen and head straight to la farmacia and shop for drugs with wild abandon!

But I digress.

Back to el nuevo trabajo. Estoy contenta y sin ninguna razón por que quitear. With the exception of a handful of cotorras who pass the time chismeando todo el santo día instead of doing actual work, everyone at my job is really nice. They haven't ONCE threatened to call INS on my nalgas. So, I got that going for me, which is nice.  Plus, they're ok with me esneaking into an office to use the internet since I can't afford it at my place because el pinche guero vecino decided to put a stupid password on his wireless network. But he'll get his. Just a spoonful of sugar makes the motor break down!

Anyguey, recently, I was cleaning the office of this one vieja who dresses like a Cabbage Patch Kid to find that Chuchito, la Virgencita and Walter Mercado all had a role in getting me this job.  For the non-believers in el destino, check out God's handiwork lying on the floor:


A NACADA Journal...I imagine it's probably filled with hopes, dreams, affirmations and a sprinkling of Joan Sebastian lyrics.

Hasta mañana.

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