Monday, December 7, 2009

Las Pistas Paisas

I was a stripper in a previous life.

Or at least, I think I was.  What else explains my love of feathers boas and dancing on platforms in unforgivingly hot heels?

Sometimes, when I'm out at clubs like La Boom in Huntington Park entering La Chica Más Sexxxy contests or El Potrero in Cudahy quebrándome la espina to the sounds of El Compa Chuy, I like to pretend I'm dancing at El Noa Noa. It helps distract from the various odors found at both establishments.

Now, back to strippers and paisas. I took LA Doctora on her first visit to ESL.  Now, I know what you're thinking, pero si estas nacas ya hablan inglés, pa que necesitan ESL?  I don't mean English as a Second Language. (O sea, jeló! We graduated from Inglés Sin Barreras ages ago!)  This ESL stands for EastSide Luv, a wine bar in East Los right next to the Mariachi Plaza.

Speaking of la Plaza de los Mariachis, not only is this the Home Depot of músicos vagabundos, it's also the most beautiful metro stop in all of NacoLAndia.

Anyway, back to EastSide Luv Wine Bar y QueSo.  We went there to meet Lalo Alcaraz, the cartoonist most famous for La Cucaracha comics from the NacoLAndia Times.  He was having an comic art exhibit.  La verdad es que este guey, Lalo, tenía un chingo de historietas como este que hablaban de la politica y me quedé roncando.

It's not that I didn't get the jokes, it's just that I was more entertained staring at the walls.

And, que casualidad, hanging out at the bar...

If my attention wasn't already gone by this point, Lalo lost me altogether when I turned around and fell hook, line and sinker for the stage wallpaper along the back wall.  This wallpaper, by far, is the most amazing wallpaper I've ever seen in my life.

The layout of EastSide Luv is well-thought out, not at all naco.  It's a bit narrow, yet long enough to handle a good sized crowd. There's one bar and it lines the length of one side, with seating along the facing side.  At the back of the bar is where the video projector was set up displaying all of Lalo's work.

Then, there's the bar.  For the bartenders to have easy access to the wine cellar, the bar, like an Impala, is lowered.  At first, you think all the cantineros are midgets, as the bartop is only at your mid-thigh. My pesos say the real reason is that they wanted to give their patrons a reason to bend over.  Anyway, speaking of the bartop, it not only doubles as the stage off to the right in front of the Cine Mexicana posters, but it's also a runway that leads to the other end of the long, narrow bar, where there is...a stripper pole.

Now, even though I did teach my niece to do a pole dance, complete with fireman cross leg spin, for her quinceañera this past July, I really wasn't up for doing my number on this pole.  Besides, I left my clear, plastic heels in the car.

So, I went to check out Lalo's posters for sale and found a nice one of la Virgen de Guadalupe having a conversation with Juan Diego.  I had him sign it as well as the one LA Doctora chose of La Migra Mouse. 

Being the naca that I am, y este lugar siendo tan fancy, I just wanted to get out of there, go hang out with or get serenaded by the mariachis next door.  Unfortunately, when we walked out, we saw that they'd all disappeared.  It turns out that mariachis don't hang around until midnight looking for work.  La Casa del Mariachi charro costumes store, however, had this in the window to tell me just where to find them, pa' la próxima.

Eso mero!  Then I checked out the site, and it made me so very unhappy.  Any self-respecting paisa, from mojados to fresas, would have been upset at this gabacho picture of what is supposed to be a Mexican trio.

Come on now! Even pochos know better than this!  Dios mio...

Anyguey, here's what a real trio looks like:

This bolero, just like the stripper pole, was created with one intention in mind: making babies.

Hasta mañana.

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